Episode 55: I Don’t Broke My Arm

Hockey stats nerd and President of Deutschland Hans Van Slooten joins us on a puck-heavy episode. Discussed:

  • Wild playoff preview/predictions
  • Odds Mike Yeo is around next year
  • Gopher Frozen Four recap
  • Stu and Jon getting after each other, delightfully
  • Why we hate UND
  • Four seconds apiece devoted to the Twins and Vikings
  • Brandon discussing his team allegiances followed by a chorus of fart sounds

And a bit of Wolves talk just to allow Hans to get a few below-the-belt shots in. Enjoy, puckheads.

Episode 54: Not Afraid to Touch It


  • The Twins Bottom 5 Prospects
  • Wolves/Wild check-ins
  • Frozen Four preview (which lasted all of 16 seconds)
  • Brandon offers a tip on how to be a terrible person when friends trash-talk your favorite team
  • Vikings draft talk, i.e. Team Evil vs. Team Incompetent
  • Steven Seagal shoutout, natch
  • MORE “FARGO” TALK, to the delight of absolutely no one

We also brainstorm names to a hypothetical goalie-based skin flick, so to answer your question: yes, we are still morons who enjoy wasting your time.

Episode 53: The Dog Days of April

Twins Daily guy and bad-movies lover Nick Nelson returns to the fold as we discuss:

  • Clarence’s annual hockey weekend bender
  • Grandma’s wearing puffy paint sweatshirts
  • The Twins 2015 opening day lineup (we gave up on this season already)
  • Ed Rosario’s strange no-show
  • Fancy ketchup
  • Lakers v. Wolves for the billionth time
  • A bunch of #AskSportive questions

Later, Nick mentions Gleems and lube in the same sentence. You’ve been warned.

Episode 52: The David Backes Drawing Card

Brandon didn’t make it this week, and neither did our planned guest, and so Stu, Clarence and Jon were left to discuss whatever happened to float through their heads. That included:

  • Glen Perkins being the most One of Us person since Kent Hrbek
  • Whether Aaron Hicks should begin the season at Triple-A
  • Pretending to care about Vikings free agency
  • What to burn if the Vikings don’t take a quarterback in the draft
  • Clarence firing everyone associated with the Wild (it led to a 6-0 win)
  • If Gopher hockey wins a conference championship and nobody cares, does it make a sound?
  • Jon getting progressively more worked up as Clarence disagrees with all of his points about college hockey
  • Stu zoning out and naming his best Steely Dan song ever
  • Whether Justified or The Americans is a better show
  • Terrible March Madness picks

In other words: A pretty typical bunch of nonsense.

Stepping Out on The Sportive: Lottery Mafia podcast

Slightly belated but Brandon was a guest on the Lottery Mafia podcast last week. They devoted the entire episode to the Wolves, which included the current state of the team, what the future looks like, why fans are turning on Adelman, where Love might end up, and a lot more. If this is up your alley, (1) you’ve got some serious issues, and (2) give it a listen.

Episode 51: A Whole Staff of Noodlers

Gophers beat writer and Hanson fan club member Amelia Rayno joins us this week. We start off with friendly small talk that somehow morphs into a solid 45 minutes of talking about BIGFOOT (yep) and then get to the boring Gopher stuff (tourney chances, Pitino, recruits, etc). Then we discuss Bigfoot some more.

Also mentioned: Detlef Schrempf, ginkgo biloba, lumberjacks, Hooters, whiskey, and Avatar. Pretty magical episode, you guys. We may have peaked on this one.

Episode 50: Hollering at Ulf Dahlen

Interested in listening to four grown men talk sports while on the verge of tears? You’re in luck. Discussed:

  • The Wild trades (we’re happy!)
  • Sano (we’re suicidal!)
  • Twins predictions, including wins, busts and shockers (we’re scream-crying, and shaking fists at the sky!)
  • Stu’s bit about his favorite Science Museum exhibits (we’re trying so hard to smile!)
  • Wolves (we’re at full-on waterworks!)

It’s not as depressing as it sounds — it’s actually worse. Go ahead and listen anyway, though. Misery loves company.

Episode 49: The Shane Heal of Hockey

It’s a skeleton crew this week as we failed to wrangle a guest and Stu was off Dance Momming it up in BFE for the evening. Though we were unprepared, grumpy, and predicting an unlistenable turd of a show, the episode was surprisingly great. Topics:

  • Wolves playoff chances and exactly how/why they are f-worded for the foreseeable future (hint: two reasons, and they rhyme with Tip and Flaylor)
  • The local sports championship we want to see before we die
  • The harrowing day of Clarence’s birth
  • Brandon tells his all-time favorite family story which probably isn’t true
  • Charles Buggs!
  • A long dissertation on the awfulness of the Big Ten Network

Episode 48: Defiling Mailboxes

Brian Stensaas is back in the guest saddle this week. Topics:

  • Some of the worst Reusse impressions you’ll ever hear
  • Winter vs. Summer olympics
  • Olympic hockey vs. NHL
  • Why Kevin Love to the Lakers is an asinine notion
  • The time Clarence’s dad crashed the Daytona Speedway
  • Stu brags about his celebrity twitter friends
  • Clarence’s Western Wisconsin Bar Tour wrap-up
  • Friendly reminder that the Twins still suck

We also hit our quota on a cappella singing and bashing of Canadians and all non-Americans. Probably doesn’t even need to be mentioned at this point.

Episode 47: Parker’s Tween Resort

Twins Daily scribe and dead man walking (MARRIAGE JOKE) Parker Hageman returns to the show to offer exclusive behind-the-scene details of his TLC reality episode.

We also re-tell the Disco Danny Ford story, offer wedding advice, half-heartedly bitch about the Twins and Wild, rekindle our rivalry with those sons of bitches Gleeman & the Geek, run through some sponsored slurs, and spew more of the nonsense you’d expect with a Parker-centric episode.