Episode 57: You Can’t Rope the Wind

Podcaster Emeritus Michael Rand and his comically verbose pal Rocket make the trek to Sportive HQ, and things get real confusing, real fast. We piloted a new thing in which we broach a topic, move on to something else, bring it back up again, forget the original point, get confused, suggest yet another topic, swear at each other, and somehow an hour later we end up at the place we began. A place called Nowhere.
Specific topics:

  • Rocket referring to Stu as a “box of smashed assholes”
  • A Sportive Roast
  • Why hockey twitter sucks
  • Twins rest-of-season predictions
  • So much laughing at Rand for backing Pelfrey
  • Why Mauer sucks (Team Brain Injury vs. Team Lil Joey’s Feewings aw Huwt)
  • Wolves talk, for some reason
  • Johnny Football vs. Teddy B

And a lot more. This one’s not for the faint of heart, that’s for sure.

Hey, by the way: our podcast is on Stitcher now! If that’s your podcast app of choice, listen to us there!

Episode 56: Bathtub Full of Steak Fries

The great Holly Manthei dialed in for her third appearance, chock-full of the scatter-brained nonsense you’ve come to expect when we all get together. A few of the many items we hit on:

  • East coast cobblers
  • Beer science
  • Sour beers
  • How to reach your spreads
  • Grommets 2, the movie
  • The Mount Rushmore of MN Soccer (somehow includes 45 people)
  • Girbaud jeans & New Kids on the Block
  • The true story of what Holly did with her World Cup medal
  • Meat markets
  • Hypercolor tees
  • Peep show booths

We also touched on glory holes and unleashed roughly 75k swears, because of course we did.

Episode 55: I Don’t Broke My Arm

Hockey stats nerd and President of Deutschland Hans Van Slooten joins us on a puck-heavy episode. Discussed:

  • Wild playoff preview/predictions
  • Odds Mike Yeo is around next year
  • Gopher Frozen Four recap
  • Stu and Jon getting after each other, delightfully
  • Why we hate UND
  • Four seconds apiece devoted to the Twins and Vikings
  • Brandon discussing his team allegiances followed by a chorus of fart sounds

And a bit of Wolves talk just to allow Hans to get a few below-the-belt shots in. Enjoy, puckheads.

Episode 54: Not Afraid to Touch It


  • The Twins Bottom 5 Prospects
  • Wolves/Wild check-ins
  • Frozen Four preview (which lasted all of 16 seconds)
  • Brandon offers a tip on how to be a terrible person when friends trash-talk your favorite team
  • Vikings draft talk, i.e. Team Evil vs. Team Incompetent
  • Steven Seagal shoutout, natch
  • MORE “FARGO” TALK, to the delight of absolutely no one

We also brainstorm names to a hypothetical goalie-based skin flick, so to answer your question: yes, we are still morons who enjoy wasting your time.

Episode 53: The Dog Days of April

Twins Daily guy and bad-movies lover Nick Nelson returns to the fold as we discuss:

  • Clarence’s annual hockey weekend bender
  • Grandma’s wearing puffy paint sweatshirts
  • The Twins 2015 opening day lineup (we gave up on this season already)
  • Ed Rosario’s strange no-show
  • Fancy ketchup
  • Lakers v. Wolves for the billionth time
  • A bunch of #AskSportive questions

Later, Nick mentions Gleems and lube in the same sentence. You’ve been warned.

Episode 52: The David Backes Drawing Card

Brandon didn’t make it this week, and neither did our planned guest, and so Stu, Clarence and Jon were left to discuss whatever happened to float through their heads. That included:

  • Glen Perkins being the most One of Us person since Kent Hrbek
  • Whether Aaron Hicks should begin the season at Triple-A
  • Pretending to care about Vikings free agency
  • What to burn if the Vikings don’t take a quarterback in the draft
  • Clarence firing everyone associated with the Wild (it led to a 6-0 win)
  • If Gopher hockey wins a conference championship and nobody cares, does it make a sound?
  • Jon getting progressively more worked up as Clarence disagrees with all of his points about college hockey
  • Stu zoning out and naming his best Steely Dan song ever
  • Whether Justified or The Americans is a better show
  • Terrible March Madness picks

In other words: A pretty typical bunch of nonsense.

Stepping Out on The Sportive: Lottery Mafia podcast

Slightly belated but Brandon was a guest on the Lottery Mafia podcast last week. They devoted the entire episode to the Wolves, which included the current state of the team, what the future looks like, why fans are turning on Adelman, where Love might end up, and a lot more. If this is up your alley, (1) you’ve got some serious issues, and (2) give it a listen.

Episode 51: A Whole Staff of Noodlers

Gophers beat writer and Hanson fan club member Amelia Rayno joins us this week. We start off with friendly small talk that somehow morphs into a solid 45 minutes of talking about BIGFOOT (yep) and then get to the boring Gopher stuff (tourney chances, Pitino, recruits, etc). Then we discuss Bigfoot some more.

Also mentioned: Detlef Schrempf, ginkgo biloba, lumberjacks, Hooters, whiskey, and Avatar. Pretty magical episode, you guys. We may have peaked on this one.

Episode 50: Hollering at Ulf Dahlen

Interested in listening to four grown men talk sports while on the verge of tears? You’re in luck. Discussed:

  • The Wild trades (we’re happy!)
  • Sano (we’re suicidal!)
  • Twins predictions, including wins, busts and shockers (we’re scream-crying, and shaking fists at the sky!)
  • Stu’s bit about his favorite Science Museum exhibits (we’re trying so hard to smile!)
  • Wolves (we’re at full-on waterworks!)

It’s not as depressing as it sounds — it’s actually worse. Go ahead and listen anyway, though. Misery loves company.