Episode 105: Your Bagel Bites are Ready

We forgot to prepare for the show so we did a group tap-dance routine for an hour. The routine included:

  • Clarence’s NFL draft rebuttal
  • Our throats are scratchy, we’re coming down with something, not sure what it could be, it’s a mystery
  • NBA draft lottery (yes, it got that desperate)
  • Art-A-Whirl, dance competitions and various other tangents

Episode 104: My Dad’s Kinda Weird


  • Vikings draft review in which Brandon compliments Spielman and immediately enters witness protection to avoid the wrath of Clarence
  • Heavy sighs over the Wild
  • Stu’s daughter says hello!
  • Group therapy on how to deal with sports loss and the key to happy fandom
  • Our annual cackling over the Twins brief competence

Episode 103: Steve I Love Turtles

For the first time in more than 100 episodes, we got all four of us in a room at the same time. We went to Grumpy’s in Roseville, where we were joined by an all-star cast, including Aaron Gleeman (for the whole thing) and (at various times) Hans Van Slooten, Amanda White, Lindsay Guentzel, and Dave Marthaler.

When all four of us weren’t talking at the exact same time – which was most of the time – we discussed:

  • The Wild’s chances against the Blackhawks in Round 2 of the playoffs
  • The Vikings’ pick in the NFL Draft (recorded live)
  • Whether Ted Thompson is a Sagittarius
  • Who the heck is Ciara
  • Sam Hinkle / Hinkie

The whole thing goes off the rails pretty much immediately, but we had an excellent time. We’re all looking forward to Episode 206, when we all get together again.

Episode 102: Dat Spanx Money

Flush with new listeners after our City Pages award, we tried an experiment in which one of us got hopped up on cold medicine, two others watched TV instead of paying attention and the fourth chatted into an unanswering ether about god knows what. The result was…interesting? Maybe? Topics:

  • Paul Molitor is the bright spot in the organization because he’s not yet obviously terrible
  • According to local reports, TORII HUNTER TRIED TO STEAL HOME but we refuse to believe
  • NBA playoffs preview! To the delight of no one!
  • Potential Vikings draft picks
  • A third Property Brother???
  • Our regular amount of tangential BS to finish up the show

Episode 101: When That Song Comes On, I Gotta Dance


  • Head scratching and back slapping over our “Best MN Sports Podcast” award from City Pages
  • Wild playoff preview including Keys to the Series (spoiler alert: the keys are Cooperalls and weird trash talk)
  • The Twins are garbage but we have two silver linings, both related to boners
  • Out of context quote: “Hairless Twink Ads”
  • Unhinged griping about the Wolves, who even in this terrible sports town are the most hopeless franchise
  • Footie stadium talk

In summary, we started the episode wondering how we won an award and then spent 75 minutes justifying our confusion. ENJOY.

City Pages Names Us “Best Sports Podcast”

We’re not entirely sure how it’s possible, but The City Pages released its annual “Best Of” list today, and The Sportive was named the Best Sports Podcast.

They describe us as “a disorganized train wreck,” “sarcastic,” and use the word “ineptitude,” so we’re pretty confident that they didn’t confuse us with somebody else.

The funniest part of the whole thing is literally minutes before we found out about the award, we realized that we had forgotten to plan to record an episode this week. Whoopsie doodle!

All kidding aside, we feel very honored, and vow that we will continue to bring our particular brand of angry, drunken ranting to the internet airwaves for as long as we are able. Assuming we actually manage to record without losing anything. That’s always touch and go.

Episode 100: Major League Baseball’s Incontinent Dog

We commemorate our milestone 100th episode by being woefully unprepared and overly negative as usual. A few topics we grit n grinded our way through:

  • Our dumbest statements over the first 99 episodes
  • Jon setting a world record for worst explanation of the NHL playoff structure
  • Some very necessary Twins venting
  • Ask Sportive: our most hated team, our favorite generation, ranking outstate cities, the beer we’re drinking, food, etc.
    Thanks for listening to our meandering BS, friends. On to the next 100.

Episode 99: A Tire Fire Inside of a S*** Show (Twins Season Preview)

We spent the entire hour talking about the Twins and it was as depressing, hopeless and ranty as you’d expect. We reviewed the terrible offseason, claimed our annual bros & turds and then predicted the wins total. Some quotes:

  • “Who the shit is JR Graham?”
  • “Nick Punto exists to be accidentally punched”
  • “A touch of Rob Deer”
  • “Ozzie’s getting an ice cream helmet”
  • “What I’m hoping for is a bunch of injuries”
  • “The inexplicability of some of these…(20-second sigh)”

Things got dark in a hurry and never turned around. Move along, optimists. Nothing to see here.

Episode 97: The Look It Up Episode

This week, Brandon went to Las Vegas instead of calling in, leaving the rest of us to flounder through. We even resorted to actually looking up facts, for the first time in the history of the podcast, so listen to us type the following into Wikipedia:

  • Just how bad was Gopher basketball this year?
  • Why Devan Dubnyk maybe doesn’t need as much of a rest as some seem to think
  • The Smoot-Hawley Tariff Act
  • No, seriously, that was a thing we looked up
  • Our anti-Iowa and anti-Wisconsin NCAA tournament rooting interests
  • Northern Iowa, the Quinnipiac of the Midwest
  • Soccer? Soccer!

Come back soon, Brandon. We miss you.